Just Jokes Online

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

ham and cheese Sandwich: £2.50
Chicken Sandwich: £3.50
Hand Job: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, “Can I help you?”

“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?” Read the full post

The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Read the full post

Dave walks into the bar and sees his mate Jeff huddled on the bar, depressed. Dave walks over and asks Jeff what’s wrong.

“Well,” replies Jeff, “You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got a hard on every time I saw her?”

“Yes,” replies Dave with a smile.

“Well,” says Jeff, straightening up, “I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.” Read the full post

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Read the full post

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! Read the full post

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a
sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
“Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” he called into the cave and listened closely
until he heard an answering, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.
“Was the other Indian crazy or what?”
The Indian replied “No, It is our custom during mating season when
Indian men see cave, they holler ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the
opening. If they get an answer back, it means there’s a beautiful
squaw in there waiting for us.”
Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the
cave, stopped, and hollered, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”
Immediately, there was the answer. “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” from deep
inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then
spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of
the huge opening, he was thinking, “Hoo, man! Look at the size of this
cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some
really big, fine women in this cave!”
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
“Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”
Like the others, he then heard an answering call,
“WOOOOOOOOO,WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!”
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the
cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read….
(Get ready, its good), Read the full post

This is one of those jokes that make you go “Eewwww!”

An ugly old man walks into a bar with a big smile on his face. The bartender asks him what he’s got to be so happy about. He says “I was walking home last night when I noticed a girl tied to the rail tracks just like in the movies. So I set her free, one thing led to another and she came back to my place. We rocked the house, doing anything you’d imagine and a few things you wouldn’t. It was the best night of my night.” Read the full post