Just Jokes Online

“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

“It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.” Read the full post

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO THE BIG CITY AND SEE A FILM.

THE TICKET SELLER ASKED,

“SIR, WHAT’S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?”

THE OLD FARMER SAID, “THAT’S MY PET CHICKEN, CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, HE GOES.”

“I’M SORRY SIR,” SAID THE TICKET MAN. “WE CAN’T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE CINEMA.”

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS TROUSERS.
THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE CINEMA Read the full post

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; “I’m sorry, your duck has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed; “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead.” replied the vet. Read the full post

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him? Read the full post

An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin. He ordered three pints of Guinness, sat in the back of the room, and drank a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.

The bartender asked him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Read the full post