One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
Take 5
Then there’s the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best.
“Take a 5 wood ,” growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
“I’m curious,” the first man then asks, “Where in Ireland are you from?”
Fred woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Jane,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.
“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
The farmer whittled the stick as the tourist approached him. ‘How long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’ asked the rich American.
The farmer continued to whittle and started to whistle too.
‘I said how long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’
No reply. Just whistle and whittle.
A man walks into a pub and sees three men playing poker with a big dog. The dog is looking very unhappy.
‘That’s a smart dog,’ says the man.
‘Not really,’ rsaid one of the players, ‘he hasn’t won a single hand.’
‘Why’s that?’ asks the man.
‘He’s a bit dumb,’ was the reply, ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
Hahahaha!
WICHITA, Kan. – Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who stayed in her boyfriend’s bathroom for two years, spending most of her time on the toilet — so that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the man finally called police.
It appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat, said Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple. The woman initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ’65.”
“This is unbelievable!,” the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’65, too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?,” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”
A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, “I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again.”
“Well,” the doctor replies, “go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn’t reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness.”
Chelsea News