Just Jokes Online

Take 5

Then there’s the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best.

“Take a 5 wood ,” growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole. Read the full post

A Man Goes In To A Bar

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. Read the full post

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender.”

The bartender follows the man’s order and says, “That will be $42.50 please.”

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk’s instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. Read the full post

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the blackpool.  There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for £10 per person.  Stumpy looks to Martha and says, “Martha, I think I really should try that.”  Martha replies, “I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and £10 is £10.”  So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money. Read the full post

We all like a few Tottenham jokes now and again, and I have discovered a few really good ones. This first one really tickled my fancy and persuaded me to find some more to follow it up.

Enjoy!
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Q: How many Tottenham fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None…… there all content with living in the shadows!
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A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm. Read the full post

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money.”

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes.

The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?” Read the full post

There was once a man who believed his wife was being unfaithful, and as he was returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport and was certain he would catch his wife being unfaithful at home. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the taxi driver if he would be a witness to his wifes cheating, as he hoped to catch her “in flagrante” Read the full post

A man walks up to the barman and says, “Do you see that glass over there in the corner? I’ll bet you £50 that I can piss in it from here!” The bartender agrees, because the glass is miles way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe. Read the full post

A guy named Fred finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

Fred again prays… Read the full post