A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
Q: Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.
Suddenly one man turns to the other and says “The Gunners have lost again.”
The other man was flabbergasted and said “how in the name of god do you know that?”
The other man replied “It’s quarter to five.”
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver’s door.
“Is there a problem Officer?” the driver asked
The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?”
The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
“You don’t have one?”
The driver answered, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”
Two old men are pushing their carts around Tescos when they bump into each other.
The first old man says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The second old man says, “That’s OK, what a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
Tony, had a serious gambling problem, every time he came home his wife would ask him how much money he lost at the casino.
Then one night, Tony didn’t came home at all.
Finally he arrived home at 10 AM. His wife was furious at him.
Tony smiled at her and said, ‘I have something to confess, I was at the bar last night, got drunk, and went home with the barmaid. We had the most incredible sex ever.’
Three Egyptian fans moaning about their latest defeat by Algeria.
First fan: “I blame the Sudanese. How could they support Algeria instead of us?!”
Second fan: “I blame the players; if they had made more effort, I’m sure they would have scored goals.”
Third fan: “I blame my parents; if I had been born in Algeria, I’d be celebrating now.”
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Chelsea News