Just Jokes Online

Q: Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!

Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.

Suddenly one man turns to the other and says “The Gunners have lost again.”
The other man was flabbergasted and said “how in the name of god do you know that?”
The other man replied “It’s quarter to five.” Read the full post

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do.

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved Read the full post

We all like a few Tottenham jokes now and again, and I have discovered a few really good ones. This first one really tickled my fancy and persuaded me to find some more to follow it up.

Enjoy!
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Q: How many Tottenham fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None…… there all content with living in the shadows!
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A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm. Read the full post

One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a scouser all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. Read the full post

“A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away.” “A lady picked up several items at a discount store. Read the full post

* What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

* Ping just offered Elin Woods (Tiger’s wife) an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They are said to be named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”

* News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash. They are calling it, “Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger,” or how about “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant”? Read the full post

• I logged on to the internet to find out more about swine flu but my computer warned me I was downloading a virus.

• I called the swine flu advice line and all I got was crackling.

• There’s a rumour going round that the NHS is handing out anti-swine flu soap. It’s hog-wash!

• Got swine flu? Save someone’s bacon – stay at home until you’re cured.

• What’s the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a brand new Porsche.
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• A man gets stuck in traffic near parliament. He asks a police officer what the hold-up is, and is told: “Gordon Brown is so depressed about the debt problem caused since the recession started, that he’s stopped his car and is threatening to drown himself with petrol and set himself on fire.” Read the full post

A good selection of Tottenham jokes here! I’ll post some more when i get another batch…..

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Why do Tottenham fans carry lighters round with them?

Because they lose all their matches!

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What is the difference between Tottenham and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer!

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What ship will never go to Tottenham?

The Premiership.

___________________________________________________________ Read the full post

This is one of those jokes that make you go “Eewwww!”

An ugly old man walks into a bar with a big smile on his face. The bartender asks him what he’s got to be so happy about. He says “I was walking home last night when I noticed a girl tied to the rail tracks just like in the movies. So I set her free, one thing led to another and she came back to my place. We rocked the house, doing anything you’d imagine and a few things you wouldn’t. It was the best night of my night.” Read the full post