Just Jokes Online

1. You refine heroin, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3000 machine gun and a $5000 rocket launcher, but no shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your ass with your hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

5. You think vests come in two styles; bulletproof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routine carry explosives in your clothing. Read the full post

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?” Read the full post

How many computer programmers, out of 10, understand the binary system?

Both of them!

Here is a potential killer, take care!!

Victim: Male, Caucasian

Death: Instantaneous, Penetration of the Arterial Chamber

Description of Murder Weapon: Sharp Instrument, 4”

Type: Stiletto

Colour: Red

Maker: Mahlono Blahnik

Motive: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

So guys, the next time you’re ogling the sexy long legs of a sweet young thing, remember the shoes on her feet can double as weapons. And if she doesn’t like the attention, it could be your eyeballs that get it. Read the full post

We are familiar with Robin Hood who is known for “stealing from the rich and giving to the poor,” he is a hero.Now do you believe Robin Hood in real life?

You gotta be kidding me right? Apparently not….

In Germany, a bank employee secretly transferred money from rich to poor clients.

Sadly the 62-year old woman was given a 22-month prison term for this act of kindness. She could have faced a 4-year sentence, but the court was being nice because she confessed immediately and did not profit personally. Read the full post

A lion, a bear and a pig are sitting around discussing how hard they each are.

The lion says “When i roar the whole jungle shakes!”

The bear says “When I roar the whole forest trembles!”

“So what!” says the pig. “All i have to do is sneeze and the whole fucking world shits itself!”