Just Jokes Online

A Liverpool fan & a Man Utd fan were driving & crash head on into each other.

Neither are seriously hurt but both cars are written off. In celebration of their luck they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on.

So the Man Utd fan goes to the boot of his car & fetches a 12yr old bottle of Malt Whisky and hands it to the Liverpool fan. “May all Scousers & Mancs live together in peace & harmony” says the Liverpool fan & gulps down half the bottle. Read the full post

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day and there was a lanslide and they fell in a deep, dark ravine.

Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League! Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League!”

Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”

After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. “But sir,” said the clerk, “you have the penthouse suite.” “I insist on another room!!!” said the drunk. “Very good, sir. I’ll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don’t like the room your in?” asked the clerk. “Well, for one thing,” said the drunk, “it’s on fire.”

A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud. Read the full post

Three ducks walk into a bar.

“Well, Hi there” says the bemused bartender. We don’t get very many ducks here. but don”t worry, it’s not because of the prices. this isn”t that kind of a joke.”

“So, what’s your name?” he asks the first duck.

“Drake, Hugh Drake.” replies the duck, doing his best Sean Connery impression.

Well, Hugh, how are you doing today?” asked the friendly barman. Read the full post

The police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. Read the full post

Jack Nicklaus and Stevie Wonder are drinking in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: “How is your record business going?”

“Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way, how’s the golf?” Stevie Wonder says.

“Not too bad, I’m not winning as much as I used to but I’m still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I’ve got that under control now.” Nicklaus replies. Read the full post

Brandon and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead.

The women are great golfers, but they are playing terribly slow. Finally, after watching the women in the distance as they stood over their putts for what seemed like an eternity, Wesley decided to do something. Read the full post

| Great Woman Golfer|

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week.

Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn’t quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Read the full post

A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said ‘I want to be a movie star.’

Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, ‘What’s your name?’

The guy said, ‘My name is Penis van Lesbian.’

The agent said, ‘Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.’ Read the full post