A Man Goes In To A Bar
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, “You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
There was this group of people travelling around London on a tour-bus. Because it was raining the guide on the bus decided to liven things up, and asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke.
Straight away an Englishman got up and said that he could tell a good Irish joke.
Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, “No, don’t do that. I’m Irish!
An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Paddy in the eye, and said, “I’ve some bad news for you.
“You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month to live.”
Did you hear about the Irishman who locked his keys in the car?
Took him eight hours to get his family out.
What’s so special when an Irishman swallows a fly?
He then has more brains in his stomach than in his head.
What does an Irishman have inside his head?
A piece of paper with brain written on it.
Heard about the latest innovation in Irish submarines?
Screen windows to keep the fish out.
Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a
sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
“Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” he called into the cave and listened closely
until he heard an answering, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.
“Was the other Indian crazy or what?”
The Indian replied “No, It is our custom during mating season when
Indian men see cave, they holler ‘Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!’ into the
opening. If they get an answer back, it means there’s a beautiful
squaw in there waiting for us.”
Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the
cave, stopped, and hollered, “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”
Immediately, there was the answer. “Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!” from deep
inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then
spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of
the huge opening, he was thinking, “Hoo, man! Look at the size of this
cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some
really big, fine women in this cave!”
He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
“Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!”
Like the others, he then heard an answering call,
“WOOOOOOOOO,WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!”
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the
cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read….
(Get ready, its good),
An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin. He ordered three pints of Guinness, sat in the back of the room, and drank a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.
The bartender asked him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
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