Just Jokes Online

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: “Here, put these on.”

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.

“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the one who wears the trousers in this relationship.”
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: “Try these on.” Read the full post

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double brandys.”

The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”

“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double brandys. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!” Read the full post

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.

“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. Read the full post

So this little ant was walking through the jungle and came across this big female elephant in agony. The elephant had one foot up in the air “woe is me” “woe is me.

So the ant asks the elephant what seems to be the problem here?

The elephant replied I seemed to have gotten a thorn stuck in my foot and it is hurts like hell. I would give anything to get it out. Read the full post

The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Read the full post

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. ‘Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.’

‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.’ Read the full post

While she was ‘flying’ down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’

To which she replied, ‘I’m late for work.’

‘Oh yeah,’ said the cop, ‘what do you do?’ Read the full post

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.

The man said to the dentist, “Look Doc, I’m in one hell of A hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.

“We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course In town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait For the anesthetic to work!” Read the full post

Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney:
Did you know him? Read the full post