The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “Arsenals are going to win the premier league.”
Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day and there was a lanslide and they fell in a deep, dark ravine.
Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League! Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League!”
Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, “Sweetie, why don’t you give me a blowjob?”
“What? You’re crazy!” she said.
“Look, don’t worry,” he said. “It will be quick, I promise you.”
“Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody…”
“At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it.”
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
Two Scotsmen had been pals since childhood and had shared everything over the years. One day, Angus won a rare bottle of Scotch in a church raffle.
Immediately, Jock says “Open it up and we’ll have a dram.”
“Naw, ah’m goin’ tae save it for a special occasion.”
Birthdays came and went, his anniversaries came and went, but Jock could never get Angus to open the bottle.
We all like a few Tottenham jokes now and again, and I have discovered a few really good ones. This first one really tickled my fancy and persuaded me to find some more to follow it up.
Enjoy!
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Q: How many Tottenham fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None…… there all content with living in the shadows!
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A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm.
“How come you’re late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
“It was awful,” she explains. “I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.”
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles and he will stop snoring.
“Yeah right!” she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
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