So this little ant was walking through the jungle and came across this big female elephant in agony. The elephant had one foot up in the air “woe is me” “woe is me.
So the ant asks the elephant what seems to be the problem here?
The elephant replied I seemed to have gotten a thorn stuck in my foot and it is hurts like hell. I would give anything to get it out.
A mother is with her 5 year old boy at the zoo when they reach the
elephant cage.
The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the large beast and says
to his Mom, “What’s that long thing hanging down from the elephant?”
Mom replies “That’s his trunk.”
The boy goes, “I know that! No, what’s that big thing hanging down
in between the trunk and tail.”
What do you do when an elephant is having its periods?
Hide all the mattresses.
How does an elephant cry
Sits on its bum and bawls.
What does an elephant use for tampons?
Sheep.
How does an elephant fuck a mouse?
Stands on it.
Why have elephants got four feet?
Six inches isn’t enough.
Why does an elephant wear condoms on its feet?
Because if it stands on you, you’re fucked.
This frustrated wife buys a pair of crutchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the lounge opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she crosses her legs ……. enough times till her husband says…….
Are you wearing crutchless knickers?
Y-e-s, she answers with a seductive smile.
Thank Christ for that……. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the lounge suite.
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Chelsea News