Fred woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Jane,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
* What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
* Ping just offered Elin Woods (Tiger’s wife) an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They are said to be named Elin Woods…”clubs you can beat Tiger with.”
* News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash. They are calling it, “Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger,” or how about “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant”?
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It’s Christmas, Eve !
What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month ?
The letter “D” !
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
Who delievers elephants’s Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !
I have just been offered 8 venison legs for £150.
Do you think it is two deer?
I don’t know who spends their time making these things up, but they are funny!
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse..
She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
Little Johnny was planning on getting lots of preasents for Christmas. He knew that god had a connection to the North Pole, and stood up and started to pray.
“God, i have been a child of perfection this year. I think i should get lots of preasents… no that won’t work.”
He got on his knees.
“God, I haven’t been the best child since last December. I still deserve lots of preasents for my efforts… no that can’t work either!”
He laid face down on the floor.
Two young brothers are opening presents at Christmas.
The younger brother has twenty massive presents and the older one only has one little one.
The younger brother says to the older one, “Haha, I have got twenty presents you only got one you loser!”
The older brother replies “Haha you smart ass, you are dying of cancer!.”
A good selection of Tottenham jokes here! I’ll post some more when i get another batch…..
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Why do Tottenham fans carry lighters round with them?
Because they lose all their matches!
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What is the difference between Tottenham and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer!
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What ship will never go to Tottenham?
The Premiership.
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Chelsea News