Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: “I’ll bet you $1,000 that I can put two shot glasses at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop.”
The bartender laughs and says, “You’re crazy, but you’re on.”
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes.
The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?”
An accountant was walking along a road in the country when he came upon a shepherd. He says,
‘Listen, Mr Farmer, I bet I can guess how many sheep you have.’
The farmer starts to laugh: ‘I have a lot of sheep. You’ll couldn’t possibly guess how many.’
‘Do you want to make a bet?’ asks the man. ‘If I can guess how many sheep you have, you’ll give me one of your sheep. If I can’t, I’ll pay you £500.’
A man walks up to the barman and says, “Do you see that glass over there in the corner? I’ll bet you £50 that I can piss in it from here!” The bartender agrees, because the glass is miles way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe.
Dave was a compulsive gambler, and would bet on anything and everything; horses, dogs, football, baseball, basketball, snooker and even soccer games.
When Dave was down to his last few pounds, he went to his best friend and said “John, I need £1000. We have no food, I owe rent, the kids need clothes for school, and the wife won’t leave the house because we have bad cheques in every shop. Can you help me out?”
Chelsea News