Just Jokes Online

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem. Read the full post

A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, “If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills! He’s the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!”

A few weeks pass uneventfully. One afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, “Big John is coming to town! Run for your lives!” Read the full post

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.

The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.

The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”

“Of course,” replies the second man.

“I’m curious,” the first man then asks, “Where in Ireland are you from?” Read the full post

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, “You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Read the full post

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: “I’ll bet you $1,000 that I can put two shot glasses at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop.”

The bartender laughs and says, “You’re crazy, but you’re on.” Read the full post

Dave and Andrew walk into a bar. Dave says, “Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink.

Dave says, “Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink.

Finally, Andrew asks the bartender, “Why does he call you Donkeyboy?”

“I don’t know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that.”

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”

The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” Read the full post

A man walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”

The bartender, confused, tells the man no. The man thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the man returns and asks, “Got any grapes?”

Again, the bartender tells him, “No — the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The man thanks him and leaves. Read the full post

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.” Read the full post

A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes £8.

“But I already paid you. Don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“OK,” says the bartender, “if you say you paid, then I suppose you did.”

The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt. Read the full post

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda’s house. “You owe me £50,” she says.

“For what?”

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, “I’m a prostitute.” Read the full post