A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. “A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich,” he says to the barman.
After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.
Dave and Andrew walk into a bar. Dave says, “Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink.” The bartender gets him a drink.
Dave says, “Donkeyboy, get me another drink.” The bartender gets him another drink.
Finally, Andrew asks the bartender, “Why does he call you Donkeyboy?”
“I don’t know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that.”
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Give me six double brandys.”
The barman says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.”
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double brandys. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!”
We all like a few Tottenham jokes now and again, and I have discovered a few really good ones. This first one really tickled my fancy and persuaded me to find some more to follow it up.
Enjoy!
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Q: How many Tottenham fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None…… there all content with living in the shadows!
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A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm.
A man walked into a Melbourne bar and ordered a pint of the dark liquid.
‘Excuse me,’ said the only other drinker. ‘Is that an Irish accent I detect?’
‘It is, sir. Dublin to be exact.’
‘Bless my soul,’ said the first. ‘I’m a Dublin man meself. Ballymun to be precise.’
‘Bedad, aren’t I from Ballymun meself – Carberry Street in actual fact,’ remarked the second.
Three ducks walk into a bar.
“Well, Hi there” says the bemused bartender. We don’t get very many ducks here. but don”t worry, it’s not because of the prices. this isn”t that kind of a joke.”
“So, what’s your name?” he asks the first duck.
“Drake, Hugh Drake.” replies the duck, doing his best Sean Connery impression.
Well, Hugh, how are you doing today?” asked the friendly barman.
There’s something regarding bars with drunkards that appear to be the most common cause of jokes. Everyone has found out a funny story that begins “A chap walks into a bar” (and says Ouch!) and there is no doubt that drunks are usually extremely entertaining. So listed below are a couple of pub jokes that you may not have heard previously, however they really are all awfully witty, I assure you!
A man walks up to the barman and says, “Do you see that glass over there in the corner? I’ll bet you £50 that I can piss in it from here!” The bartender agrees, because the glass is miles way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe.
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet local pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no” he replies.
This is one of those jokes that make you go “Eewwww!”
An ugly old man walks into a bar with a big smile on his face. The bartender asks him what he’s got to be so happy about. He says “I was walking home last night when I noticed a girl tied to the rail tracks just like in the movies. So I set her free, one thing led to another and she came back to my place. We rocked the house, doing anything you’d imagine and a few things you wouldn’t. It was the best night of my night.”
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