Just Jokes Online

Four happily married men went golfing one weekend.

After the game they met up in the bar for a beer, and the First man said: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend… I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.

Second man : “That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool. Read the full post

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?”

“Hell no!” the guy said.

The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?”

The man said, “Of course not.”

“Wanna go camping?”

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom having a pee at the same time.

One of them looks at the other one’s penis and notices there’s a Nicotine patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, “I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.”

The other one replies, ‘It’s working just fine……”
…
….
…
wait for it…
…

“I’m down to two butts a day.”

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles. Read the full post

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes..

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,”What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostitute,” she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”. Read the full post

Amanda wants to break up with her boyfriend John, who is a soldier stationed in the Far East for over a year now.

She writes him a letter: “Dear John, because you are so far away for so long now, I want to end our relationship. I must also admit that I have cheated on you twice. Would you please send my photograph back? Love Amanda” Read the full post

Paddy has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife ‘Mother of Six’ in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now Mother of Six?” Read the full post

A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud. Read the full post

The couple lived on a lonely farmhouse and longed for the children that never came. One day they heard about a custom of lighting a candle in Lourdes which was supposed to bring offspring so off went Paddy to Lourdes and lit the candle.

Well would you believe it?

Each year after that a child arrived and the couple were-strangled trying to provide for them. When child number thirteen was about two weeks old the local clergyman visited the farmhouse and found the wife alone feeding the thirteenth arrival. Read the full post

The farmer whittled the stick as the tourist approached him. ‘How long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’ asked the rich American.

The farmer continued to whittle and started to whistle too.

‘I said how long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’

No reply. Just whistle and whittle. Read the full post