Just Jokes Online » Sick jokes

Two Priests having a pee – Sick Joke!

admin — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 09:11:39 +0000

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom having a pee at the same time.

One of them looks at the other one’s penis and notices there’s a Nicotine patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, “I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.”

The other one replies, ‘It’s working just fine……”
…
….
…
wait for it…
…

“I’m down to two butts a day.”

Sickest Joke ever?

admin — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 10:24:41 +0000

A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.

At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a load roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.

“Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?” she cried.

The doctor replied: “I’m just joking with you! It was stillborn.”

Mental patient nearly drowns

admin — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:40:47 +0000

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool , Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love…. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?’

The two brothers opening Xmas presents

admin — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:18:41 +0000

Two young brothers are opening presents at Christmas.
The younger brother has twenty massive presents and the older one only has one little one.

The younger brother says to the older one, “Haha, I have got twenty presents you only got one you loser!”
The older brother replies “Haha you smart ass, you are dying of cancer!.”

Sexy office girl

admin — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 20:43:34 +0000

Tiim wanted to screw a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Tiim got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you but the girl said NO.

Tiim said “I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up”.

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? She said

“THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!”

Ugly man and the girl tied to the Railway track!

admin — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 19:32:33 +0000

This is one of those jokes that make you go “Eewwww!”

An ugly old man walks into a bar with a big smile on his face. The bartender asks him what he’s got to be so happy about. He says “I was walking home last night when I noticed a girl tied to the rail tracks just like in the movies. So I set her free, one thing led to another and she came back to my place. We rocked the house, doing anything you’d imagine and a few things you wouldn’t. It was the best night of my night.”

“Was she pretty?” Asks the barman.

“Dunno. I never found the face.”