Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the Headmistress decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to thebathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses) .

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet bowl, and cleaned the mirror with it.

The silence was broken by a large number of gasps, a few girls vomited and apparently someone fainted. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers . . . And then there are educators.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.

Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.

Satan walks up to the man and says, “Hey, don’t you know who I am?”

The man says, “Yep, sure do.”

Satan says, “Well, aren’t you afraid of me?”

The man says, “Nope, sure ain’t.”

Satan, perturbed, says, “And why aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Well, I’ve been married to your sister for 25 years.”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, well. He’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.”

“What’s that, Lord?”

“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

The next day the cripple is still there, crying again. The jogger slows down and asks her what the matter is this time. She leans over and wipes her snotty nose on the table and says, “I’ve never been kissed before..”

The man leans over and lays a wet one on her cheek. He jogs off, waving bye to her smiling face. The next day, he jogs up and shes crying her eyes out yet again.

The jogger runs over and asks her “what now?”
The bleary-eyed woman looks up and says, “I’ve never been OWNED before..” The man bends over, picks her up, and
chucks her into a pool and calls, “Now you’re OWNED!”

Why don’t women talk to men every time they’re in public?
You’re not supposed to tell the answer to people who experience this, dumb ass! Don’t you see them with boyfriends everywhere?

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, somebody already told her twice.

Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?
Two less mouths that are bitching.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead just bought bought a car. Which one drives it first?
None, they’re all in the kitchen.

What do you call a woman with pigtails?
A ******* with handlebars!

How long does it take for a man to make dinner?
As long as it takes for him to get out the belt!

After a while he sees that the old man hasn’t mentioned his family, and asks him. What about your family? What is your wifes name?

The Indian looks at him and says. “She is called “Five Horses” in the traditional manner of Native Americans.”

“Oh really” says the Englishman. “And why is she called that?”

The old man replied quietly… “Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!”