Just Jokes Online

According to a news report, a certain private school in Hertfordshire was recently faced with an unusual problem. A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on inthe bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Read the full post

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Read the full post

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.” Read the full post

A jogger is running along one morning when he hears crying. He slows down and sees an armless, legless woman sitting at a table bawling.
Heart heavy, he walks over and asks her what the problem is. Sniffling, she says, “I’ve never been hugged before..” The jogger leans over, hugs her, and smiles as he takes off.

The next day the cripple is still there, crying again. The jogger slows down and asks her what the matter is this time. She leans over and wipes her snotty nose on the table and says, “I’ve never been kissed before..” Read the full post

A Englishman decides to take a trip to America and finds himself on an Indian reserve. He walks around until he finds a real old Native American Indian, and gets into a deep conversation about his life.

After a while he sees that the old man hasn’t mentioned his family, and asks him. What about your family? What is your wifes name?

The Indian looks at him and says. “She is called “Five Horses” in the traditional manner of Native Americans.” Read the full post

1.You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
2.Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.
3.A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
4.You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
5.You can always warm coffee up.
6.Coffee comes with endless refills.
7.Coffee is cheaper.
8.You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
9.Coffee never runs out.
10.Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
11.You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
12.You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
13.You can smoke while drinking coffee.
14.You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
15.Coffee smells and tastes good.
16.You don’t have to put vinegar in your coffee.
17.If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
18.You can always get fresh coffee.
19.You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it’ll be hot when you get
back.
20.They sell coffee at police stations.
21.You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
22.Coffee goes down easier.
23.If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.
24.No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
25.A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.
26.Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.
27.Coffee smells good in the morning.
28.Coffee is good when it’s cold too.
29.Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30.Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.
31.Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.
32.Coffee doesn’t shed.
33.Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34.You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
35.Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.
36.No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
37.Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month…it’s good all the time.
38.When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39.When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pube in the back of
your throat.
40.Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.
41.Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup.
42.INSTANT COFFEE!
43.You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
44.It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.
45.Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.
46.When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pube in the back of your
throat.
47.When your hands are cold, coffee doesn’t mind if you wrap them around it.
48.You can offer your friends a sip when you see them on the street.
49.When you drink coffee, the world economy benefits.
50.You can have American, Kenyan, French, Italian, Irish, and Viennese. One right
after the other if you like.

WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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WOMEN’S REVENGE

‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. Read the full post