Just Jokes Online

A jogger is running along one morning when he hears crying. He slows down and sees an armless, legless woman sitting at a table bawling.
Heart heavy, he walks over and asks her what the problem is. Sniffling, she says, “I’ve never been hugged before..” The jogger leans over, hugs her, and smiles as he takes off.

The next day the cripple is still there, crying again. The jogger slows down and asks her what the matter is this time. She leans over and wipes her snotty nose on the table and says, “I’ve never been kissed before..” Read the full post

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. Read the full post

Take 5

Then there’s the one about the golfer and his caddie who enjoyed a good argument, especially about what clubs to use. The caddie usually won but this day, faced with a long short hole, the golfer decided that a 3-iron would be best.

“Take a 5 wood ,” growled the caddie. But the golfer stuck to his choice and the caddie watched gloomily as the ball sailed over the fairway, landed neatly on the green and rolled politely into the hole. Read the full post

A Man Goes In To A Bar

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. Read the full post

Paul played football with his mates every Sunday afternoon in the local park. His right knee had been giving him trouble for some time, but recently the pain had been even worse than usual so he decided to see the doctor.

When he arrived at the surgery, the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but first he would have to give a urine sample. Paul said that it seemed crazy to give a urine sample to help solve his knee problem. However the nurse insisted, so eventually Paul complied. A quarter of an hour later he was ushered in to see the doctor. Read the full post

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. Read the full post

Man goes to Doctor saying he has a problem with his sex life. Doctor tells him to summarise a day in his life
He says well I wake up early have a quick screw with my wife,

then have breakfast and a shag and off to work where I normally have a quick bonk with the my receptionist,
go down to the typing pool for a quick play with a typist and then home to wife for a quick shag and lunch. Read the full post

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened. Read the full post

A man goes to the doctor for his wife’s test results.

Mr Smith : “I’m here for Mrs Smith’s test results.”

Receptionist : “Oh, I’m sorry Mr Smith, there’s been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don’t know which belongs to your wife….. I’m afraid it’s bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer’s Disease, the other shows Aids!” Read the full post

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can’t be found.

So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking. Read the full post