Just Jokes Online

A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter’s birthday and that he hasn’t bought her anything.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees a shopping centre. Knowing it was “now or never”, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking spot and runs into the shopping centre. After a frantic search he finds a toy shop, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. Read the full post

In a small town, there was a big factory that hired only married men.

Upset, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, stupid or what?”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders and have learned to keep their mouths shut when I shout at them.”

Just think how bad the life of the egg is….

You only get laid once.

You only get eaten once.

It takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft.

You have to share a box with 11 other guys.

And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother!

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.

“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. Read the full post

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”

His wife looked at him calmly and said, “Why do you think I gave you the poison?”

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles. Read the full post

Amanda wants to break up with her boyfriend John, who is a soldier stationed in the Far East for over a year now.

She writes him a letter: “Dear John, because you are so far away for so long now, I want to end our relationship. I must also admit that I have cheated on you twice. Would you please send my photograph back? Love Amanda” Read the full post

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what The admirers were thinking: “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. Read the full post

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time
to time, who cleans up and who has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie
to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be
with you. Read the full post

The mule

A city boy, named Kenny, moved to the country and bought a mule from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the mule died.”

Kenny replied, “Well, then, just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Read the full post