Paddy has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife ‘Mother of Six’ in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now Mother of Six?”
The couple lived on a lonely farmhouse and longed for the children that never came. One day they heard about a custom of lighting a candle in Lourdes which was supposed to bring offspring so off went Paddy to Lourdes and lit the candle.
Well would you believe it?
Each year after that a child arrived and the couple were-strangled trying to provide for them. When child number thirteen was about two weeks old the local clergyman visited the farmhouse and found the wife alone feeding the thirteenth arrival.
The farmer whittled the stick as the tourist approached him. ‘How long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’ asked the rich American.
The farmer continued to whittle and started to whistle too.
‘I said how long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?’
No reply. Just whistle and whittle.
The young clergyman, or ‘rector’ as the Church of Ireland man of the cloth was known, arrived in a remote area of the country to take up his duties. He hammered up a notice on the church door announcing that there would be service at ten o’clock on the following Sunday.
At five minutes to ten on the Sunday he approached his church and saw only one man waiting on the road outside. He hopped around the back and entered the church to see if there was any congregation and, as he expected, the place was empty.
A man walked into a Melbourne bar and ordered a pint of the dark liquid.
‘Excuse me,’ said the only other drinker. ‘Is that an Irish accent I detect?’
‘It is, sir. Dublin to be exact.’
‘Bless my soul,’ said the first. ‘I’m a Dublin man meself. Ballymun to be precise.’
‘Bedad, aren’t I from Ballymun meself – Carberry Street in actual fact,’ remarked the second.
An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Paddy in the eye, and said, “I’ve some bad news for you.
“You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month to live.”
After the Great British Beer Festival, in London, all the international brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ‘65.”
“This is unbelievable!,” the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ‘65, too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?,” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”
Did you hear about the Irishman who locked his keys in the car?
Took him eight hours to get his family out.
What’s so special when an Irishman swallows a fly?
He then has more brains in his stomach than in his head.
What does an Irishman have inside his head?
A piece of paper with brain written on it.
Heard about the latest innovation in Irish submarines?
Screen windows to keep the fish out.
An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber’s face.
The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.