Just Jokes Online

Playing Possum
Why are Arsenal like a possum?

Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

On the Bright Side
What do you call a Arsenal fan with half a brain?

Gifted!

What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea?
The tea stays in the cup longer!

What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit?
The accused.

What do you call 100 Arsnal supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A good start! Read the full post

What do you get if you see a Arsene Wenger buried up to his neck in sand?

More sand!

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “Arsenals are going to win the premier league.”

Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”

A Liverpool fan & a Man Utd fan were driving & crash head on into each other.

Neither are seriously hurt but both cars are written off. In celebration of their luck they agree to put their differences aside from that moment on.

So the Man Utd fan goes to the boot of his car & fetches a 12yr old bottle of Malt Whisky and hands it to the Liverpool fan. “May all Scousers & Mancs live together in peace & harmony” says the Liverpool fan & gulps down half the bottle. Read the full post

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day and there was a lanslide and they fell in a deep, dark ravine.

Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League! Arsenal’s Gonna Win The League!”

Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”

The Van Man And The Priest
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, “Where are you going, Father?” Read the full post

One day Tom Thumb, Snow White, and Quasimodo are sitting around talking. All of the sudden Tom Thumb says, “You know, how do I know I’m the world’s smallest man? Maybe I’m NOT the world’s smallest man”. And he got very depressed.
Then Snow White says, “How do I know I’m the most beautiful woman in the world? Perhaps there is someone more beautiful than me!” And she got very depressed.
Quasimodo then said, ‘How do I know I’m the world’s ugliest person? Maybe there is someone uglier than me!” And he, too, sank into depression.
One week later the three were all killed in a car crash. While in Heaven’s waiting room, they were all entitled to a private conference with God, who would answer for them one question. After Tom Thumb’s conference, he came out smiling and said, “It’s all right, I am the world’s smallest man”. Snow White left God’s chamber smiling also, “It’s ok,”
she said, “I am the fairest of them all”. Quasimodo came out of his conference scratching his head. He looked at the others and asked, “Who the hell is Martin Keown?” Read the full post

An Arsenal fan went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was ‘visited by a “Manchester united” friend who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.

The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.

Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner. Read the full post

The Best Anti-Man Utd Football Jokes!

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don’t waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.
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Q. What do you get if you see a Manchester United fan buried up to his neck in sand?

A. More sand.
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Q. How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb? Read the full post

Football jokes are always the best, but here are a few about the footballers enemy – the Referee!
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A well-known footballer and his wife recently decided to take a holiday at a nudist camp. He was asked to referee the camp football match but, surprisingly, he declined the offer.

‘Why did you refuse to referee that match?’ asked his wife. Read the full post