Just Jokes Online

Paul played football with his mates every Sunday afternoon in the local park. His right knee had been giving him trouble for some time, but recently the pain had been even worse than usual so he decided to see the doctor.

When he arrived at the surgery, the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but first he would have to give a urine sample. Paul said that it seemed crazy to give a urine sample to help solve his knee problem. However the nurse insisted, so eventually Paul complied. A quarter of an hour later he was ushered in to see the doctor. Read the full post

An Arsenal fan went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was ‘visited by a “Manchester united” friend who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.

The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.

Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner. Read the full post

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. Read the full post

Man goes to Doctor saying he has a problem with his sex life. Doctor tells him to summarise a day in his life
He says well I wake up early have a quick screw with my wife,

then have breakfast and a shag and off to work where I normally have a quick bonk with the my receptionist,
go down to the typing pool for a quick play with a typist and then home to wife for a quick shag and lunch. Read the full post

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened. Read the full post

A man goes to the doctor for his wife’s test results.

Mr Smith : “I’m here for Mrs Smith’s test results.”

Receptionist : “Oh, I’m sorry Mr Smith, there’s been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don’t know which belongs to your wife….. I’m afraid it’s bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer’s Disease, the other shows Aids!” Read the full post

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can’t be found.

So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking. Read the full post

Patrick Mclaughlin hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”

So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.” Read the full post

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: “I’ll bet you $1,000 that I can put two shot glasses at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop.”

The bartender laughs and says, “You’re crazy, but you’re on.” Read the full post

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the blackpool.  There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for £10 per person.  Stumpy looks to Martha and says, “Martha, I think I really should try that.”  Martha replies, “I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and £10 is £10.”  So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money. Read the full post