Just Jokes Online

Two old men are pushing their carts around Tescos when they bump into each other.

The first old man says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The second old man says, “That’s OK, what a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” Read the full post

There’s something regarding bars with drunkards that appear to be the most common cause of jokes. Everyone has found out a funny story that begins “A chap walks into a bar” (and says Ouch!) and there is no doubt that drunks are usually extremely entertaining. So listed below are a couple of pub jokes that you may not have heard previously, however they really are all awfully witty, I assure you! Read the full post

A man walks up to the barman and says, “Do you see that glass over there in the corner? I’ll bet you £50 that I can piss in it from here!” The bartender agrees, because the glass is miles way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe. Read the full post

A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. “Well, I don’t want the bartender to think I’m drunk, so I’ll pretend I tripped and I’ll try it again.” So he gets up and falls on his face.

“Well, the door’s not too far away; I’ll just crawl.” When he gets outside he thinks, “Well, I only live four blocks away; I can make it that far.” Read the full post

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet local pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.

“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no” he replies. Read the full post

Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Read the full post

An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.

The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Paddy in the eye, and said, “I’ve some bad news for you.

“You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month to live.” Read the full post

After the Great British Beer Festival, in London, all the international brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one. Read the full post

February 14th is just around the corner, and it’s once again time for our Special Valentine to expect to receive the royal treatment from their male counterparts. Around this day the business of florists, chocolates and everything that could be gifted to a girl will be on its high but there will be one thing which will go amazingly low and that’s money in all the guys wallets. Read the full post

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,” You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!” Read the full post